Resolution, Tiny Whinings and etcetera

Need to sort out my priorities in life. I need to branch out more. Make more friends, connections, alliances; those sort of things.

Should I drop out of school next term before
I start with my foundation studies? I don't need the A level studies anymore, I need to start living a happier life. Need to find my way. Because of damn stupid raffles, I'm ALWAYS unhappy. Anything relating to raffles always brings some sort of, I don't know, depression like sludge hanging inside my mind causing a blanket to cover any emotion, expression and self worth. Plus with failing grades though I do study (or at least try to), I'm always at the bottom of the class. Boo to the who. Sigh, plus I'm always whining like this, giving a taut little pout, giving a blank expression. Argggghhhhhh WHERE IS THE MAYDE THAT I KNOW AND LOVE?

I should really get to sleep. When I come back to this, it would be thinking back and trying to capture the emotion I'm feeling. For the future mayde, once I started talking about raffles plus my complaints, I'm back in that void of lacking emotion.

What I'm trying to say actually for this post, it is that Mama came to talk to me today about my future, my priorities and all. And bawling my eyes out, I mean water works and snotty wails, I felt that she has been pointing her finger at me stabbing my heart while criticizing my life. Yes mommy, I have no life, no future, no social happiness, I'm frowning alot, but it's not like I'm doing it on purpose. I want to be happy, but as I said, I'm stuck in a rut!

But I pray to God and wish with all my heart that I would live to have a life. A happiness brought back to me. A wonderful story to tell that makes up my entire life.

Here's what mama wrote down for my life I should think about: (not in any order, should think through)
- Social
- Study School
- Spiritual
- Others : driving, cooking, happy stuff


One thing that has been disappointing: all my Lentera Grade 10 classmates are all gone to college or foundation. Most are in 1st year Uni this year, and I'm still in high school, even worse, struggling. But I must remember school is NOT my whole life. It's just a minor role.


Sweet love and kisses. Virtual or Real, you chose..

One day, my dreams will come true❤