Deer

Dear
I'm sorry on how I've been treating you. How at times I'm kind and willing to just bounce off everything and at times I'm just nasty to the bones spitting out vile comments and sneering at everyone's expense.
I've been thinking. Thinking about how I've been and where I've been this past 1 year.
And somewhere along the way I've lost myself. Completely just lost myself. I'm just an empty case of a girl's body without any personality or characteristic to fill it. I'm just a copycat of everyone and its somehow bumming me out. I don't know where I've been or who I am. Its time I start the journey of finding who I am. I'm really annoyed at myself how I don't even know myself or act like my former self. I don't even know if I'm happy. Acting like a bimbo, acting clueless and under pressure to be useless, I'm just slowly dying inside. Who am I?
To start fresh, to find myself, to find the right friends to support me. Not friends who thrive on earthly things leading into sin. I found them in Raina and Claudine, but as we drift apart in business of college and high school, I'm just waiting around holding on to the past. The past I'm not willing to let go. Was that where I was supposed to start the journey of who I am?
This is starting to be a reflection letter. I'm not going to send it anyway.
Reflecting shall I do.
Starting with you. I've been really mean. Cruel beyond repair yet you tolerate them never taking revenge. Is it that you feel bad for me, are used to it or know that it is wrong. Starting with the good, you make a good friend, you don't judge me though you probably would figure out my clumsiness, lameness and stupidity but you never take them out on me. Anyway, those factors are all part of my act. I make a good actress don't I? Again, I continue, I don't know who I am! A good friend with light humor. But I don't know who you are. Easy to talk to. Reason I don't talk to you or give the cold shoulder is because of all the teasing, taunting and gossip starring you that leads back to me! I hate them and I don't know who's fault it is. Mine or yours? Or a spark of something ignited by just some random coincidence. Whatever it is, its so awkward that somehow out of will I have to deflect it. Let it die down. But its a stubborn one, as persistent at it is I still give a crap about it. So bear with me. I bet that its just the same as everyone. This leads me to continue about my hate about raffles! All schools have the bad and the good. Obviously, this school has over a million fold more negatives than the positives!
I can continue on till forever but I have to stop. Just for a while.