23 November 2012 Friday

HI, I know it's been a long time since I've typed and all here but I just forgot/too lazy/didn't know how to arrange my thoughts that well to actually be able to type and share here anyway.

I just don't know what to type. I'm so lost and confused of my personality. I don't even know myself and when I have to type it's like there has to be a person with a personality, and I can't portray myself as ME carefree and all. It's like even when I type, even if no one is reading I still have to make myself this "Character" you understand?

I know that I like to talk to

Nothing important

Lets see if this shows up on google!

Lentera International School is the best school. The worst school is Raffles International Christian School.

21 October 2012 Sunday

Welcome back to the blogosphere!

How appropriate it is for me as I'm always on-and-off with my blogging.

Sigh

I miss having a friend to text, call, giggle with, have sleepovers, eat like crazy with, mall hopping, goof off and experience new things.

Is this something I had before and think about it again now, or is it a deprivation I have a longing to feel but just never got reach of it?

Huh I'm such a lonely fellow

10 October 2012, Wednesday [PART DEUX]

Hiiiii back again! And yes! I CAN type much faster here though it's a tad bit noisy...

So what else is going on in my head?

10 October 2012, Wednesday

Hi so i'm just going to talk out if my head. So bear with me a little will you?

16 September 2012 Sunday

Psalm 37
At times feeling lonely, I looked at this and I find comfort for the world is corrupt.


Tomorrow is officially the 3rd day I'm out of school since I'm moving to a foundation course instead. To monash college in Jakarta. I'm so happy to be free and learn things I've rarely had time for. I'm still doing the AS cambridge exams though.

Favorite Verse I've been repeating in my head over and over again:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

Resolution, Tiny Whinings and etcetera

Need to sort out my priorities in life. I need to branch out more. Make more friends, connections, alliances; those sort of things.

Should I drop out of school next term before

Hi I'm in Melbourne on this saturday. Going back to airport now after our one week Suherlan Family Holiday.

6 August 2012 Monday

Hi all! I've missed my blog and just ranting randomly on all sorts of subjects!

So, its a monday and I believe tuesday is just a mere hour away!

I have nothing to rant about, just was in the mood to post something on the blog so obviously I'm blank! Um, I guess I could say that I have a math test tomorrow that I so tried to study for but I just can't no matter how long I stare at the worksheets, textbook pages and notes.

Got to go now! Oh and I should mention that I started tennis again starting last week but it's just a cca with Kizzy and Jessica:)

Random Post explanations

So, I'll be doing my AS G.C.E. Coursework so there WILL be TONS of random posts that I just want to remember and look back to. Fastest way? HERE.

ciao!

Indonesian traditional crafs

Indonesian handicraft is art spanning /dating back to hundreds of centuries s
pread around dozens of districts, areas, and kingdoms.

30 July 2012 Monday

HEHE HI -Stitch style-

yes, yes, again I have forgotten about the BLOGSPHERE!

I just want to say: I LOVE FOODGAWKER!
So I found foodgawker.com early on this year, and so far I'm lovin' it! It's an online collection of recipes which is totally unique as instead of searching through words and books for new recipes, these are through photos. It could be from anyone's blog and foodgawker collects it, so all we have to do is view + drool at the photos and click on the photo to find the recipe! How cool is that!

I may be getting dyslexia, if that's even possible to get when you're already seventeen... hmmm.... I keep misspelling words, mixing up letters, mixing up words and stuff. Just can't help it.

Anyway, I've got to sleep! Goodnight sweethearts!

HELLO! BEEN A LONG LONG LONG TIME!

I just finished my 'One Week of Being Vegetarian'. People keep asking me why I did it, in fact this is the honest truth, I just wanted to. Nothing hidden underneath. I've been planning to do this Vegetarian for a week thing for so so long, and it's always been just a plan all the time, probably spanning from over a year ago. And so, now I've finally made it come true. Dad said he wanted to do it with me, but if I keep hoping he'll do it with me it would get postponed even more, and so I did it myself:)

I'm happy for myself. There's no change in this week though I didn't eat meat. I meant, no struggle or cravings at all. But no matter what, I'll always be an omnivore, or even better; OMNOMNOMNOM-nivore

14 June 2012

It's not even worthed to writhe and write about.

Main point:
- My craziness/loony/out of my head this whole week
- UGLY Prom decorations
- Jessica's BAD ideas! It's a masquerade not a Garden party!
- Running out of money for decorations
- I'M COMPLETELY NUTS AND CLUMSY

Goodnight. Complain next time:)

People Invites

LENTERA:

So currently I'm in the car and I just remembered how I posses the means to type and blog from my own smartphone!

Today is a friday, the 4th of May. Honestly, today doesn't feel like a friday at all! But of course like any sane person, I'm glad the weekdays are over! Sadly I have nothing to look forward to in the weekends, so I'm just going to sit idly at home watch some tv, eat and do I dare admit, maybe even study! Maybe its the fact that I missed school yesterday that makes me

So currently I'm in the car and I just remembered how I posses the means to type and blog from my own smartphone!

Today is a friday, the 4th of May. Honestly,

2 May 2012 Wednesday

I feel so miserable. I'm in a funk, in a state of limbo. I've been feeling this way the whole day. I'm on a self-pity day. I just want to cry and sigh until

Do you sometimes feel just like eating chocolate cake and bawling your eyes out? I sure do.

I can't remember the last time I felt this miserable. The fact is, I don't even know why I'm so miserable in the first place. Maybe it's the fact that I'm turning into a lazy ass bum that doesn't even feel like lifting a finger, maybe its the fact that I'm miserable in school and my grades show no improvement whatsoever, maybe it's the wrong school friends, maybe it's because I'm lonelier than I've felt in a while. Maybe it's  all if the above. One thing nagging at me right now, and definitely not helping at all is that I have AS Level Exams in 7 days and I'm just not freaking out about it. I believe it's the fact that I have such low grades in school that I don't want to do the exams!!!

I just want to cry so badly right now but I don't have the time to! I REALLY have to study right now! Help me to study english someone:(

I need to write up a story ASAP! Composition Exam soon and my descriptive writing is absolute CRAP.

22 April 2012 Sunday

I'm thinking, should I keep continuing my blog or just my tumblr? I'm not so sure on what to pick or keep hidden! The tumblr, I J'Adore! It's where all the pretty fairy tale stuff goes to. But here on the blog, I could type, rant, craze and free myself for as long as I want without a soul figuring me out. Should I just keep both?

Deer

Dear
I'm sorry on how I've been treating you. How at times I'm kind and willing to just bounce off everything and at times I'm just nasty to the bones spitting out vile comments and sneering at everyone's expense.
I've been thinking. Thinking about how I've been and where I've been this past 1 year.

Run For Rhino

So currently, I'm in Raffles School on a Saturday for their event of "Run For Rhino" where they collaborated with WWF to raise money for saving the extremely endangered Javan Rhinos. The Javan Rhinos are so endangered that there is only 35 of them left!

One thing I can say right now is that its SO HOT! Swelteringly hot!

Anywaaay, I'm here not to run, but to "help out" by stamping the runnin cards showing how many laps a person ran and to become an usher (Sort of Pointless).

Just hope today goes well! And hopefully it's fun!

Yesterday was April 13 2012. A Friday The Thirteenth!

Warm Kisses!

Hoorah!

It actually works! So I could blog whenever, wherever and whatever I want without ever forgetting! So this could really help!

I could actually post to my tumblr but I'm afraid some people who knows me could actually read it, and what's the point of a secret journal slash diary if someone you know reads it and has their judgement on it. Where is the freedom?

So I'm glad it actually works by just sending an email! I could really get used to this!

My keypad right now is really really uncomfortable hehehe. I think something soon is going to go wrong with my phone!

I'm glad for today. Just wishing all is well in my life tomorrow and forever on!

Hi!

I'm testing this from my phone! Is there any possibility it might work or am I just fated to not blog away from the computer? This would really be beneficial if it could actually work! Kisses!

Is there any way I could blog from my phone?

I would really love to blog from my phone, but honestly, this is confusing since I can't find out a way how! Years back it might have been possible to do it with my blackberry's browser but it seems that it's not possible anymore now!

11 April 2012 Wednesday

Its been a long time since I wrote here, it's already April!
Happy Easter, Happy April, Happy fourth month of the year!

I don't think anyone knows me, not even I myself know who I am. Am I being honest or am I just lying to myself? I don't even know anything in my life.

26 March 2012 Monday

Been away for Spring break to Bali! Went with parents and their PDG group on their retreat. Was in a room with Nadine.

It has been fun there in Bali where we stayed on Menjagan Resort for 4 days. We all got tan and most of us got sunburns!

Today is the first day of the 4th Term of the school year after the spring break. I know I sound all unenthusiastic with cut words that don't flow together but this may be due to me being sleepy, unsure of what to type and etcetera.

19 March 2012 Sunday

Hi I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore.

But I'm not here to complain, just state down what I've done today.

Starting from the morning:
Woke up with pretty salon blow dried hair
Wore long batik skirt form Jogjakarta to church paired with a white tee and hoop earring with aqua beads
Helped sell corn dogs, coffee, cakes for teen's retreat fund
Met and talked with a new friend, Carolina from the UK.
Went home
Read 'The Hunger Games'
Watched the last episode of '2 Days 1 Night' Korean life reality show
Went to Candy's for dinner and fun!

Today has been well! And I'm finally on spring break for a week!

Happy happy happy, going to Bali on Thursday.

Report card sucks! I got Ds and Us (Grades are way way way down, so not me)

I'm lacking sleep, better catch up soon. And I hate how I'm not smart or intellectual or happy anymore. I wonder what happened. I'm so negative these days and I hate it!

"A competition is only between you and yourself"

9 March 2012 Friday

This is me typing away furiously just trying to get down whatever comes up to my mind. It was the last day of the Term 3 Exams today. I know I've been away from my blog for a while now.

Can you believe it's already March now? I can't! I just don't want to grow up as Kizzy said.

25 February 2012 Saturday

It was my brother's birthday 2 days ago! I'm so happy for him! But I haven't got him a birthday present, hmmm, what should I get him?

19 February 2012 Sunday

First of all, I would like to say, Happy Belated Valentines Day<3

11 February 2012

Went for community service today in school and I actually had quite fun!

9 February 2012 Thursday

Americans are really stupid. So racistic, stereotyping everyone and everything. It's the community that's wrong, not the people themselves. Especially those who are constantly online. Needs help in this department here. Such arrogance! I can't stand it!

10 February 2012 Friday!

Thank God It's Friday!

So grateful and thankful for this day!

One of my discoveries today is that I've really changed. I can't seem to make myself cry instantly just by trying anymore. Hahaha it used to be my special talent since I had no talent whatsoever! My older big family member such as grandparents and aunts used to tell me with this, I could be a movie star or soap opera star by using my talent. Hahaha

One thing I really want to learn is to write with my left hand! It's absolutely ridiculous how different my writing on my left and right hand looks like!

I tried to make Tapioca Pearls when I got home from school today and my attempt made very very very chewy and tough pearls instead of those perfectly in the middle of chewy and soft tapioca pearls, or in some cases called 'Boba'. But it's only a first attempt of making them from scratch so I'm quite happy with my work:) OH! And I conclude, store bought tastes much better!

I'm trying to learn to cook out of my own will which I'm pretty proud of! I know I have house keepers and maids to cook and clean for me but it's a start to learning to be independent and all! I do wish I'll really get into Singapore Polytechnic! The results are out next week on the 17th of February!!

I just skyped with my cousins and Hanna and Thomas just now! How I miss the olden days where everything was just so beautiful! Not like it's not beautiful now,  but still!

Got to go! Hugs and Kisses!

Eat the damn chocolate cake, get your hair wet, love someone, dance in those muddy puddles, tell someone off, draw a picture with crayons like you’re still 6 years old and then give it to someone who is very important to you. Take a nap, go on vacation, do a cartwheel, make your own recipe, dance like no one sees you, paint each nail a different color, take a bubble bath, laugh at a corny joke. Get on that table and dance, pick strawberries, take a jog, plant a garden, make an ugly shirt and wear it all day. Learn a new language, write a song, date someone you wouldn’t usually go for, make a scrap book, go on a picnic, relax in the sun, make your own home video, kiss the un-kissed, hug the un-hugged, love the unloved, and live your life to the fullest. So at the end of the day, you’ll have no regrets, no sorrows, no disappointments.

3 February 2012 Friday

'Tis the season to be all low spirits......

I think so many people this start of 2012 is in such low spirits where they are giving up and complaining just to get steam out so that they could find a hole in which they may bubble and boil and let it out somehow so they wouldn't explode. Including myself. I can't help but be in such low spirits. I can't describe or tell why, it just is.

I heard something a few days ago from my from my friend Assila. She told me that if we think of a person before we sleep then there's a likely chance that the person we've thought about would dream of us in their sleep as there is a hidden mysterious link between us humans. She said she suspects it might be true sometimes or coincidentally so, for she explained that as she was thinking and missing her boyfriend before she went to sleep, and the very next day her boyfriend informed her that he dreamt of her that night and it made her think of the theory she heard. Am I willing to try it out?

I'm not sure about my thoughts are about news that is passed around quickly on the grape vine but I have a gut instinct that whatever is heard there or whoever willingly attaches themselves to that grapevine where news are quickly spread, is involving themselves in gossip and starting rumors. As I have learned as a child, starting rumors and gossiping is a very bad thing to do. It's a sin to gossip. I need to learn to avoid this as much as possible, stop talking behind people's backs, respect others, feel what they would feel about us doing such a thing. I'm willing to learn, but with the world so corrupted and in such shambles it is going to be a tough battle I would have to face. But everything needs to have some life, something good should be learned to be made habit and be done in pleasure so that we would live a fulfilling life.

I watched the movie 'Revolution Road' starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio today and the movie was so intense. I watched it with my grandmother and I have very little to say. It was so intense where they show the battle this couple had to face 7 years into their marriage and how to the ending she dies and everything is gone into ashes. All the life and such a waste to have the wife do such a thing as abortion and in the end leading to her passing. I think he actually loved her more. The emotions and passion the actors made the watchers to feel is tremendous. The movie will be a classic one day.

I'm afraid, soon I would have to take AS level Biology and English if I don't get accepted to Singapore Polytechnic and I am so afraid. This is not what I wanted, my life and fate is dangling on a very delicate web string, if I do get into Singapore Polytechnic I would be able to climb my way starting with happy spirits, where I wish to go. If I don't get in I guess I'm stuck here, doing my A levels where I can't bear the thought of.

I don't know what to do, I don't know where I'm heading, I don't know where my life would lead me to. All I know is that my life is in the hands of God Almighty and I am just praying hoping that it would all lead me to the plan God has in store for me.

I do hope nobody I know or knows me would read anything I have to say. Please, this is my getaway and it would just crush me to finely shattered glitter dusted pieces, more that I am already crushed at this point.

I love my family, I love my life, I love myself, I love God, I love the world where nothing is evil or mean.

I love you!
Hugs and Kisses, not because it's a habit to say,  but because I really need all the love I could get, I would love to share the love to everyone, everything, anywhere, anyhow.

I'm helping for my beloved cousin's project<3
Thought I might just share it for myself on my own blog for me to read again one day.

For my PP project, I am creating a book about teenagers issues based on my own personal experieces. I would like to have some input and feedback about them based on you and what you think or how you see these things. If it is possible, please write a paragraph regarding:

1.    Self and Identity

2.    School and Career

3.    Family and Relationships

4.    Religion

*one paragraph for each category

Through this, I want to be able to understand the different things that people think and perceive these aspects. In addition, some of these “testimonies” may be included in my book as an example. 

Some Ideas to talk about:

•    Your opinion about the topic

•    Your problems

•    Experiences

P.S. try reading "Chicken soup for the soul: extraordinary teens" might be helpful:)

Self and Identity

   Finding myself is a constant battle, in the world today where people are stereotyped, it's hard to find the courage to break oneself out of the boundaries set by the human race about what we should be doing and what looks good in the eyes of the society. It is not an easy task to let ourselves free to adventure our personalities, characters and emotions in the scrutinizing eyes of society. If we were to let loose and do anything out of the ordinary, immediately branded as odd shall we be. The society is the one that sets what is okay for us to do and what is out of the question. Life is hard, it's a constant battle and struggle to find ourselves in the world.

   In my experience, sometimes I fix myself in a category that most suits me and explore around that area, only to contradict myself the next day. Sometimes I am confident that I have found myself but somewhere deep inside I'm not satisfied with what I have come up with. People say that life is a long journey to find yourself, and I'll take their word for it as I'm not exactly sure what I think is right for me, what I should have in myself and who I should be as to be the best I am, is what makes me happy. I always go against my word such as saying I'm shy, too quiet, compassionate to others, hates sports, and etc... but yet I can jump up in front of your face and blab the night away (even to newly met people), I LOVE the feel of thrill of rollercoasters and adventures beyond what a shy quiet girl like me would usually be, I have an Iron Fist when dealing with people who go against what I want, and I love the feel of doing sports(not that I would admit to it).

School and Career

I'm quite new to my school this year, as I've been in my previous school for about a decade I can't help but keep comparing them against each other. What I see in the overall comparison is that: I absolutely detest the new school! I hate (hate is such a strong word but I don't have anything close to what I want to express) it here! It's like someone is trying to punish me to stay put and test my patience in dealing with the school system. It's not the classmates, friends or teachers in the school that I hate, it is the fact that the school administration are very condescending towards everyone, they pick favourites, over charge on silly things, doesn't have a good communication with parents, students and teachers alike, never announce anything until the very last second even when important(field trip to kalimantan announced midday a day before trip, pay huge sum by 3 hours from announcement) and so many other reasons I can't seem to put my finger on. The fact that the school keeps gaining students and the school is way over populated even when the students enrolled all complain their dislikes of the school every single day, they still keep getting more and more students. They even always hire the wrong teachers who cant seem to keep the job (3 teachers both fired and resigned in 5 months). The problems I have in school are such that from usually being an A to B student, I'm now down to Fs and Ungraded in my report card. Something I'm now really trying to improve, at least to C and Ds. One thing I'm sure of is that I have a wish for my future, a career I'm aiming high for. I'm just in the school I am now so that if I do not get accepted to Singapore for a Nutrition and Wellness course at a Polytechnic there, I would have a back up plan.

Family and Relationships

I love my family, I love my life, I love my friends, I love the people I love. I'm not going to complain here. I'm satisfied, though who wouldn't love to have more if God is willing?

Religion

My religion is christianity. I go to church every Sunday, I do my quiet time everyday, I feel comfortable having God as my Lord and Savior that I can trust and live my life for. But I would like to finish my Bible Study if it is possible. I want to be a disciple but I'm just confused now. I think I may want to try to find my footing first before going into something deep and lose myself completely in my way into life. There are many bad things out there, If I had no God, I don't know where I would be, what would my actions be and what I should live my life for. I don't know how to explain this part for it is all very complicated though all should be simple as we should have a heart of a child and faithfully cling on to God in all good and all bad moments. God is over what words could even try to describe, even for just a small part. He is awesome!

30 January 2012 Monday

Sometimes people have to be taught a lesson and accept their mistakes and actions are wrong. Some people need to accept then swallow their prides instead of coming out with a million different excuses though it was not completely their fault. We need to understand other people's circumstances.

A person, quite annoying in a way actually, had my name scribbled and doodles into their chemistry textbook. Of course when my friends found it they had to report it back to me, and out of instinct I had to write in marker on that book saying "I hope this is not your writing". When the guy saw his textbook today he immediately came up with a hundred excuses to hide his shame and apologizing for any inconvenience and misunderstanding. He said it was a prank someone might be pulling on him, but the proof was all there, It was his handwriting point blank all the way and I had checked with many people in the class. Of course, who would admit to such a humiliation. I with the strong will and upright belief this should be learned as a lesson and solved immediately asked for him to delete all evidence as soon as possible. I see I have finally won some respect to my name from the pest. Thank goodness for this is not a funny business.

Had dinner and quite a great day in school today. Matt bought me and my mom lunch of meatballs today as he said he wanted to get a gift for my mom's birthday which was yesterday. Very happy and entertaining. Dinner was sauteed morning glory, rice, chicken in brown sweet sauce with potatoes and a pork soup chinese style. It is delicious!

I want to get on with today and the week and the end of the month in great spirits and joy with happy memories.

I miss my two best friends who are too busy with college and me myself who is busy causing us to very rarely meet. We have already had 2 canceled plans to meet because of it and inconvenient timings. I miss you guys so bad:(

Love from me to all! Kisses! And a long hug because I really need one.

29th January 2012 Sunday

Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you like no limits or words could ever be used!

Today's activities:
-Church
-Aunty Rita made kiss print on mom's cheek
-Lunch with Celine, Janice, Gail, Candy, Chanel, Chanel's guy cousin
-Starbucks with Candy
-Early dinner of Japanese Yakiniku for mom's birthday
-Walking around the mall
-Home

Need to learn to be less rash, brazen, blunt, rude, mean, inconsiderate, and etc. Think of others before something hurts them. Yet I have to be much more talkative, confident and outgoing. Nobody is perfect.
Love Andari to death! xxxxxx

Sweet love for everyone in the world!

28 January 2012 Saturday

Hey, just got back from my relative, Nova's wedding. This may be the first time I remembered that I met her. hahaha it has been thaat long!

I'm really loving my hair today with my hair being braided on top to form a hairband while the rest are blow dried straight and flat. Really adorable as I'll say so myself.

Today I also went to my previous school, Lentera's Family Fun Day in which I met and talked to all day long with Celine who is back from Singapore for this weekend. I had a really great day today, Such a great weekend that I am really blesses to receive.

Well, goodnight! I really wish to be pretty and look great in pictures like many of my friends do. How they look effortless yet always stunningly beautiful no matter what occasion, position or any sort of difference, they would always look relaxed, beautiful, pretty, happy and cool.

Whoever is reading this, Thank you:)

26 January 2012 Thursday

Oh my hey!
I forgot my user account and password a few days ago! And so I couldn't get in! Finally I'm getting back! :)

So today, I'm feeling great! The day has gone smoothly with no additional load of work, any problems or embarrassing moments, delicious food and I have time in my hands. I'm feeling jazzed up for myself.

I learned today that everyone is special in their own ways where we should learn not only from out own mistakes but from other people's mistakes too as it is the correct way to do it. We all have a purpose in life and are unique so that we should not compare ourselves to others and make no competition in our lives for every aspect. Some people are talented in music. Competition. Some people are talented in sports. Competition. Some people are smarter than average. Competition. Some have greater grades that you do. Competition. Some people have artistic abilities. Competition. We should all just cross out the competitions for all it does to us is give us a lower self esteem than our capabilities actually have in store for us.

Maybe I do have a low self esteem, like I was just about to type and am going to complain about how Fat I've became again. To think I've lost some small quantity of fat on the thighs, calves, upper arm and my stomach is finally smaller in size, guess what? They've all grown back brining their friends along to stay for a ride. This is all because of the Christmas Holidays where I ate and ate and ate without actually feeling hungry or wanting to eat in the first place. It just felt like the right thing to do and that I felt like stuffing myself became a habit. I have dad's cousin's wedding on saturday and when I tried on my red dress just now, I felt horrible! The dress was beautiful and I'm confident nobody would actually care if I wore red, though usually I have a very low self esteem about standing out in a crowd, especially in a party which I specifically avoid as much as possible. I was fat, and what could I do about it? I'm all for healthy eating and diet through cutting down on junk food but this? I'm afraid I can't do anything but look fat for saturday. The squishyness of my jiggling fat shall make me a humiliation as I may have to meet dad's relatives and all.

Anyway, I love cincao hijau and gui ling gao. I should really learn how to make some of my own!

I'm currently reading 'Kiss Heaven Goodbye' by Tasmania Perry. The storyline is okay, the way she tells the story sorts of lacks causing me, the reader, to not get grasped into the story as I wish to.
I'm really trying to type properly with both my hands on the proper place and all. But it's sort of proving quite hard if I concentrate well. Maybe I should just stick to my own typing style and all?

I hope nobody reads this, or at least nobody who knows me would read this for it is very embarrassing if they do as I write all sorts of things that just pop into my head at the given moment, though I don't type everything.

I should really get my sleep. Goodnight:*

24 January 2012 Tuesday

"In Life we need mental maturity, the only maturity I get is from a block of cheese." -Dreaming Ballerina

Just got back from Bandung for the Chinese New Years and I'm grateful for being so well fed these few days:) Happy Chinese New Year to all, wishing everyone a great year ahead of them! My family is not a great Chinese traditional people, we only gather with my dad's family for a dinner and the sharing of Angpao (Red Envelopes filled with money). We don't kowtow to shrines of the deceased burning incense
 and offering delicacies, instead we just hide away at our grandmothers house and eat, relax and chatter all  day with my dad's family members. Chinese New Year may be one of my favorite holidays since I get to meet with my cousins which we only meet as little as once a year at the worst. I also get to run around and truly enjoy the house and garden of my grandmother which I can call home and enjoy the serenity of the peace over there. The food that is always stocked and cooked there is also quite the luring line for me to wish to rush there as often as possible. I love this weekend! I love my family, I don't know what I would be without them.

I don't have the motivation to go back to school tomorrow though there's only 3 days of school this week thank you so much to the Chinese New Year! My stomach is contracting and if it has a life of its own would cringe every single day where I have to go to the horrid school which I don't really have a fixed valid reason to hate so much.

Ugly thoughts away, I love the chinese new year! I want to sing dance and relax all day, this is such a reward for the year which I would love to have the first part of last year rewinded again for I miss my friends, they've slowly moved into maturity and into their futures while I'm still sitting waiting and watching in the sidelines so confused with what I should do in my life!

But I need to keep the positive energy around, forget the ugly thoughts, use optimism for I don't have a life to waste but I have a life to praise and enjoy fully.

20 January 2012 Saturday

Skipped another day yesterday for writing a post. Oopsie!

Yesterday I watched Forrest Gump with daddy at night and it was such a sweet innocent and funny movie! It sure is worth all the awards it has received and such a classic to be watched over and over and over again:)

Yesterday I went to 'Mall Of Indonesia' to meet with Auntie Rose from Germany that had fallen sick with Stroke but currently she's progressing well to being normal again. I skipped school yesterday since there was nothing to look forward to as it was just a lousy chinese new year event in school. Then I met with Fiona once she was dismissed in school. Bought a gift for mom's upcoming birthday next week and bought a hairband for myself that was not worth to buy as it was expensive and I believe I could buy it in another place at much a cheaper price. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stingy, its just that I sort of regret buying it for it was not worth the price I paid.

Sorry, my allergies are kicking back in since the weather is getting worse and worse every single day. It's the season for rain I presume as many people are falling sick every single day in Jakarta. My eyes and nose is itching!

I just came back from having lunch out with my family. Korean Barbecue for lunch! Yum! Scrumptious!

Well, Chinese New Year is coming so very soon and I'm absolutely delighted and excited to meet my cousins and grandmother really soon! Going out of town tomorrow to meet my dad's family and celebrate Chinese New Year! In other words, many days to eat non-stop and not regret it at all!

Got to go!
Kisses!

Dear John

Just watched 'Dear John' and it was so very touchinggg! omyomyomy! It was so touching and sad and so wonderful that I actually cried and teared at many occasions and I'm the kind of girl that so very rarely cries!

Its the way that no matter what and where, they would write and post letters to each other that it is so sweet! I love the way they keep the letters for they have a meaning and gives both of them hope. I actually adore the actions of John in the story! It would be so great to watch, read or hear stories of people like those, but in real life I would be afraid ashamed and disgusted by guys acting that way. Maybe its the way that I don't like to express emotions and feelings that made me sort of disgusted by it for if it is overly the top, I'm not looking forward to them, as in my opinion, life is to smile laugh and enjoy not make a messy snotty deal about it. Once in a while I would love those moments but not too regularly for it loses its meaning and it tends to become annoying to bear the thought of.

Anyway, I should be heading to sleep as I'm exhausted on many days this week already though thankfully, I'm not going to school tomorrow as the Chinese New Year Celebration is nothing to look forward to. Most of my classmates are skipping too tomorrow so I'll hope I don't feel guilty.

Help me find a way and get on the right track oh Lord.

Goodnight!

19 January 2012 Thurday

Oh no, missed a day!
Well I guess I'll try to replace it with a long post:)

Hello, I cant express what I'm feeling right now. Its like a numbness from being happy after I swam and ran today, calorie burner or just in the mood to get out and run my energy out? I like running and swimming, I guess it's one of those things that make me feel good that I may be able to get out there to do something to waste time and energy while nobody is watching. People would call it exercise, I call it time alone outdoors. I love things that make me move and stretch my body but it all depends on my mood. I absolutely hate sports. Maybe it's not that I hate sports, its that I don't like people looking at me when I do something which I know I'm way not talented in, the fact that I constantly disappoint myself for not having the capability to do sports or activities (another self pity depression much?) , that I don't like the heat of the outdoors, the way people sweat when doing sports (WAY GROSS, I don't sweat. Don't want to be near them) and many other factors behind the reason I say I hate sports.

Like for today in example, I blame it all on laziness which my friend *cough cough* supports of. I really wanted to do PE today since I wanted something to do, but when it was time to change suddenly I thought how people would look at me wearing the worst pathetic matching pair of pants and shirt they mistakenly think is a suitable PE attire. Then seeing and realizing that less students are going to join PE today for the others have various reasons to not join, and that if I do join there would only be 3 other girls, not including myself and my friend, and that would increase the humiliation I would have to face and there would be people seeing the way I fail and have no idea what to do nor have the ability to do anything in PE, so I panicked and convinced my friend (who didn't need convincing at all) to bail out of the class and we'll just hide away in the classroom. But as people left to the physical education class I felt another urge to go to the class and so I dragged my friend to change her attire with me so that we could get to the class though we would have been half an hour late due to complications such as our combined infinite laziness and that the bathrooms seemed to be locked due to no water available to be used inside (LAME SCHOOL CANT EVEN FIX SMALL PROBLEM LIKE THIS!) then we had thought that once inside and changed, we thought we were locked up inside the toilet since someone had locked it from the inside. And so once we got out and walked down the stairs to lead to the Multi-Purpose-Hall, halfway down the stairs we glimpsed at the glass door to the room and saw that the rest of our classmates were being in the middle of running laps around the court and we quickly retreated back into the classroom as we had no wish to be running laps for we've been there, done that, and it hurts just to think of the exhaustion and the pain we feel during and days after running those laps we are told to run. Plus, there's always a 15 minute deadline we're supposed to not exceed about to run a number of laps around the court (21 laps during last term).

See my point on why I don't like sports? It's all because of school making sports sound all ugly and scary and tiresome. But when I'm away and my thoughts are far from anything relating to school, I like doing them. Like I'd love to learn to play tennis again once more!

And so today I swam which I absolutely like to do if I just have the time:)


I watched 'The Help' last night ant the movie was so touching! It's about racial discrimination in the US during the time of Martin Luther King. I'm not sure what year that was in but the story was really moving as it was placed in Mississippi and is about the memories and feelings the dark skinned african americans have as they work as domestic helpers to the caucasian americans.

Racial problems are still here today but I do hope it is getting better day by day.

Well, I hope I could watch more movies and I was hoping to start watching 'How I Met Your Mother' starting from the beginning. Long and hard task it would be but it would be great entertainment!

May the world be a better place!

Au Revoir!
xoxoxoxo

17 January 2012 Tuesday

Hello Hello!
Obviously I have lost the voice I had when I used to type. It seems I'm more laid back and way wackier over here. But of course, this is a diary anyway, I may type in any way I wish or in the easiest way possible.

Today went to school, had quite a good day where nothing spectacular happened yet I was entertained and not falling into slumber every 14 minutes.
Learned today that I'm not very active and I don't regularly watch movies as much as others do. Need to catch up soon?

At home from finishing math lessons I felt so free! More free than I have felt in a very long time! I felt that time was in my hands and I had whatever I wish to do available for me in the time I had to spend, or in my case 'Waste'.

So what I did with that time was eat pudding with gallons of the creamy substance 'Fla' , Read many pages of 'House Rules' by Jodi Pilcout which I'm currently reading (I heart reading! These days lack of time and slow brain has kept me way behind) , read witty smirk-tastic picture posts online from 9gag (yes. Unbelievable?) , Ate 2 plates of food for dinner next to my laptop (Padang food! Yay! Everyone should eat and AH-DO-ORE!) , Painted my nails blue! (Smurf blue anyone?) and best of all! Hopefully I'll get to sleep early tonight:D

Indonesia Indonesia Indonesia Indonesia Indonesia

Well, Toodles! Au Revoir!

16 January 2012 Monday

Hey! So it's the start of another week! Hello monday! As a monday and honestly, It wasn't dreadful like my lovable guru Garfield is afraid of. Actually, today school was quite fast for a weekday! Sad part is that its the working days again. Cue to the boo!

I'm skipping school on friday! Yayayayayayayay!
Mom's birthday in 13 days. Haven't got a gift or card. Should get some real soon. I need some ideas.

1 thing I need to constantly remind me of is that DO NOT EAT BASKIN ROBINS ICE CREAM. Cause I've been feeling queasy after eating Baskin Robins' Ice Cream every single time. I wonder why?

I hope the week goes swellingly and we'll all get our Chinese New Year's real soon! :)

I Absolutely Believe In This!

Absolutafragilisticaly!

Fifteen January 2012 Sunday

Hi!
I don't have much to say. One point I would love to point out is that Chinese New Year is just a week away and I'm excited! I can't wait to meet with my cousins and my beloved grandmother in Bandung:)

So today I went to church then went with Lula to grab some Starbucks since we're not joining the PDG.
Then my family and I watched the movie Jack and Jill starring Adam Sandler and it was hilarious! I think we all enjoyed it especially that the whole theater erupted with laughter every single time something funny came up!

I also just did an online test to find my personality and the results showed that I'm one that is able to control my emotions. Well that's true. The rest, it's just plain average, its true that it shows my personality but actually I was searching for a test that would help me find my hidden talent as at this current time, I'm absolutely blank on what my talent is. As I watch other people, I'm quite jealous that I'm not good at anything, I fail and humiliate myself constantly. I don't have a strong point and I don't have a talent at all. I hope soon I'd be able to find my talent. Any ideas?

No musical talent, No sports talent, No social skills talent, No photography talent, Not a very great artistic talent (unless drawing hearts and round flowers with five petals count), No scientific talent, No outstanding intelligence, No outstanding mental strength. I'm exhausted just trying to think of areas I might be slightly talented in. Its not helpful that I'm at a low point right now, on the verge of my process to grow up. What shall I do?

Anyway, Goodnight and wishing a great sleep and rest to the whole world. I hope the world would be saved and everyone would find God.

Kisses!

14 January 2011

Hello!

So these are the things done today:

-Saturday Academy

-Home

-Dinner in Rasane (no seafood:( allergic x 10 )

-Watched people eat durian

-Ellen's house

Goodnight!

Finally as the tears come streaming down

Tears have started to escape the corners of my eyes as its been a while that I've actually felt like crying but there was not a chance to happen. And now its like a slow paced trickle down its like there had been something held inside me that wishes to be released and comforted. One glitch, I have absolutely no idea what it is I need nor wish to express. I'm a well damn broken person, less of a person more of a little girls doll. sigh.

I miss my old self where I laughed all day long, never lost the smile on my face, rare occasions of anything worth to be sad or depressed about, more happiness, more life, more ME.

Where has she gone and why did she leave my sight? When will she be back to come fetch me for I believe she would never ditch me I'm sure. I need a happy place. A comfort. A hug.

Why am I being so melancholy and dramatic when I'm still young? I have a lifetime to live, to grow, to mature, to enjoy and have fun in!

I guess I'll just wait and see if I'll fall and drown slowly into the depth or float my way back into the bright sky where the clouds will embrace me with memories clutched between us.

On the positive side, tomorrow I'll be going for saturday academy, helping less fortunate children in the slums study. I'll teach them and maybe I'll get called 'Cinta Laura' again by the kids there. hahaha what a way to be remembered!

I love you. I'll love myself I promise.

Part 2 - Friday the thirteenth, January 2012

Obvious Disappointment, plans today I was really looking forward to got cancelled at last minute, make that last second or even last millisecond.
Maybe this is the thing with me, luck in social life is just not what I've got. It seems that to me plans keep changing, I'm left out since I'm busy with another task, I'm out of town, or most of the time the plans are just plain abandoned and canceled when I was looking forward to them. Couldn't at least my friends open skype and make use of it? Its not like I've not made friends with very sociable people. I believe now that my luck is just at a low point right now for this schmuck I am.

Feel like a fool at this point. Though its not entirely my fault, there's a sort of lingering feeling that its partly mine, I didn't plan it well enough. I was really looking forward for us to meet up and boost my spirits which this week is as deflated as a balloon with its air sucked out by a vacuum cleaner.
Guess I'll have to make use of this free time I have now. Maybe some math homework?

MARK TWAIN once wrote: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Friday the thirteenth, January 2012

Untouchable like a distant star in space.....

I can't help but keep singing this song.

I see that someone has read through my posts:0 And to think I wanted this private hoping that nobody would find it or even place who I am. So you reader, please try to not figure out my identity for it would be horrific for me to know someone is reading through this.

Today has gone quite well, I cant say for sure just yet because it is only 4 in the afternoon.

I'm starting to find some interest in typing here and just sounding like the girl who is inside me. I find amusement on how from the person on the inside and on the outside could sound so different from one another as I channel each one of them at different occasions and moments. I wish that I would be able to keep this up and maybe one day I'll look back at my start and smile of the memories.

I have the privilege to be able to express myself in my first language as I'm what you would consider a failed citizen as my ability to speak and understand the national language is quite the disappointment, but all in all, I'm trying my best.

Well I guess I'm just blank on what to linger and just type about though my head is bursting with all sorts of broken detached floating words and phrases.

Toodles!

12 January 2012 Thursday

Hello Hello!
Third day and I'm still doing it! I'm so proud of myself being able to stick to it even though it has been only 3 days. hehehe

Today school was alright, only 4 subjects but only 2 were important, which was English and Biology. The other two subjects were the minor subjects which was Art and Physical Education. :D

I'm not so sure what to post here today.

I've changed the name from 'My Diary' to 'Ballerina Dreaming of Daisy Dreams' :)

Well today I helped pack away and compress in airtight seal bags my family's winter clothes which just came back from the wash after being used on our recent holiday to Europe 2011:)

Tomorrow I'm going to meet Raina and Claudine in Plaza Senayan for we haven't met in such a long long time! Just hope I'll remember to bring the goodies I have for them:)

Well, I better sleep for I'm absolutely bored today. But I'm really grateful that there was nothing saddening nor depressing that came to me today:) yayyers!

Anyway, Goodnight my sweetness!

Hugs and Kisses! :*

Eleven January Two-thousand-twelve, Thursday

hello:)
I forgot to mention, Happy New Year 2012!
Its a brand new year, a brand new adventure and a brand new year to live another year of!

From what I learnt from reading the bible today is that no matter how hard or how long a path is that you have to face even though there's another road that's much easier and shorter, just keep persevering for it is God's plan for you and there's the promised place at the end for if the short way is taken, there might have been a conflict that would make you lose hope so just bear with the long road.
I should learn from this for right now I'm stuck in a crappy school that I long to get away from. Its absolutely ridiculous on how I could hate it so so so much! But I have to persevere and try my best through it for it is part of God's plan for me for the future. I need to stop complaining, whining, lazing around failing subjects and trying to run out as fast as possible. As I keep saying to myself and everyone, Patience is a virtue, stay patient. I guess sunshine comes out in the end and there's possibility of a rainbow after a huge thunderstorm.

So today was still part of the first week of school after the Christmas holidays, It's a wednesday today so there's only 2 more days to the weekend! I'm excited! I know it may not be entirely right to be trying to get out as fast as possible but I'm trying. I really am. I even brought home Chemistry and Biology textbooks home with me so I could read them at home. Though I only managed to read the chemistry textbook since there's lack of time and I got a headache from opening the textbook (weird, but it's true. I can't help it:( ) I still tried didn't I?
I'm excited for the weekend because I might get the chance to meet Raina and Claudine after such a long long long long time not meeting them at all! I think the last time I met them was on Raina's birthday which was the 30th of September 2011. I have goodies for them and I really really hope to meet them! I miss them so much!!!!

I really do miss grade 10 when we were all united, no drama, no bad gossip, just pure fun and enjoyment and unity<3

Today so I went to school late, misses assembly(hooray!) then the day just swished by and honestly, it isn't that fun in raffles that you with to stay and remember what went on in the day though the people and classmates are nice. Its just the system and administration and faculty thats probably annoying.

Hahaha I seriously never learn anything in raffles until I fail almost perpetually, I guess people are sick of me failing and seeing my stupidity dumbness and clumsiness when they first met me they thought I was smart(heard it today.. they were like 'we thought you would be the smart type, instead you turned out to be................ um........ like this...' hmmmm.... very motivating and encouraging. hahaha

Oh yeah, and I rejected the oleh2 once again. I doubt its reason behind it that I'm grossed out. To me, I would give as much as possible but when people want to give me, I just can't accept it. I feel weird. People would be happy to receive gifts and all that but I'm very very awkward at those situations. It just doesn't feel right.

Well, it's 11.03 on my laptop clock now and to get me from waking up late again tomorrow and since I probably need my sleep since I'm feeling stressed from boredom of my current everyday life.

I want to cry yet laugh yet be sad yet be jolly. I guess I miss those emotions or anything triggering some reaction. It is boring me. So I'll just keep a straight emotion-less face now. hahaha

And I got rejected from Temasek Polytechnic in Singapore which is my second choice for getting out of Jakarta and getting to my dream and future to be a Nutritionist and Dietician. It said I was unsuccessful in applying to Temasek. Where I really really really hope I'll get into is to Singapore Polytechnic where I'll be super duper ultimately disappointed if I didn't get in for its my only hope of getting out of Junior College, I'll probably weep and sob for days if I didn't get accepted!!

Anyway, goodnight sweet dreams, I really should sleep.

Hugs and Kisses!

First Day

Good Evening everyone!
Though i'm really hoping nobody reads this.
So its my first day on this online diary and well, I'm not very sure on how to even begin.

I thought that since we're starting the year 2012, it might as well be time I actually made a diary to post all my stupid nonsense doings since I've never made a diary ever before, not properly at least...

So I just came back from a Christmas Holiday Trip to Europe with Oom Reza, Oom Suryo and Oom Tony's family. there were 18 of us in total. 12 Adults and 6 children including me. Oom Reza, tante Rita,     with his father and sister, oom Suryo, tante Christina, oom Tony, tante Grace, mom, dad, grandpa and grandma. The kids are Me,16, Matt,10, Elijah,4, Russel,4, Elisha,2, and Dante,1.

When we got back to Jakarta I was in such a happy mood and I wished nothing would break it, at least not so fast as school was looming closely to end my christmas holidays.

The first day of school, yesterday, I came to school with a happy air and was joyous the entire day making a promise with myself that nothing would break the happiness that still lingered to my skin, face and emotion on that day. So the day went on pretty well where nothing crushed my spirits though I have to say... I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE SCHOOL! It has been about 5 months that I've been in the school and still, no matter how much people tell me I would adjust and start to slowly accept it, I DO NOT AT ALL. Boo hoo hoo! :'(

Anywaaaaaaaaaay, So today is the second day of school and when I woke up in good spirits the day quickly crumbled into one hell of a bad day.
- Driver early morning was lelet(slow beyond compare) (minor setback, so used to it)
- I felt stupid and fat and dumb (Oliver's glare and past memory he called me good for no ability to do anything at all, which I admit is true. sigh)
- tons of other reasons I cant remember nor place anymore.

So today I felt that I was coming on to a mini depression for I felt sad, alone, worthless, unable to do anything, no talent, no intelligence, no motivation to even try to smile for the day.

One of the only up points during school was that I remembered I still had a bag of m&ms from the day before when I brought them to school for souvenirs for my classmates and friends for the only good thing of raffles was that the people are nice, they don't straightforwardly hate or despise one another:)

At the end of the day I was feeling worn out, depressed and absolutely sick of school and long for a holiday or break to get far away from coming to school. I love studying, it's the school thats the huge major problem to me. I felt like running awaaaaaaaaaaaay!

But as I texted Claudine on Blackberry Messenger I felt much much better as she really truly is a great awesome and true friend<3 I love her so much! She made me lose part of the frustrations and I felt so much better! Then Raina bbmed me from Hong Kong saying hello from where she's holidaying with her family, I felt absolutely great!

I LOVE ADORE LOOK UP TO BOTH OF THEM :*

oh, and Assila texted me to say not to hate myself and blablabla while we cherished our old memories in Lentera. Though I don't know why but she doesn't impact much on me as much as she did before. But of course I love her no matter what and I hope we'll be friends for a very long time as I do like her:)

Sometimes I feel left out in a way.

I love myself and my own unique way.

I will not trade myself for anything.

I should be thankful and grateful through everything in my life.




Coming to a closing, so thats the first entry to my online diary. Shhhhh!
Hugs and Kisses!